Friday I took Alivia to Cincinnati Children’s for some of her quarterly tests. It went smooth. I think it was the best she has ever got her blood work done! No tears! And she was proud of that too.
It was a nice afternoon to just be with my daughter. When she had her IVIG infusions we were alone for the entire evening and we would talk a lot. I haven’t missed the infusions, but I have missed that time. She isn’t like most little girls that talk your ear off so, being at the hospital gives us some girls only alone time. That’s what you call looking at the glass half full!
Saturday we went with our church’s young married group to a local nursing home to sing Christmas carols. That was fun. The kids enjoyed it too, and of course the elderly people just loved to see all the kids.
After church Sunday afternoon we went to another nursing home to do the same thing. As we walked down one of the halls singing, and passing out fruit, I saw one lady sitting in her bedside chair. The kids had just given her the gift bag, and she was listening to everyone sing as we exited her hall. I noticed as our voices faded she started to cry.
Now, you all know that as a general rule I HATE to get all emotional. – I don’t know why- I just REALLY DO. I tried to walk away, but I could feel God holding me glued to the floor and telling me to go give her a hug. I started an internal argument/ temper tantrum with Him.
“Why? Whyyyy do I have to? You know how I hate to get emotional. Please, please don’t make me do this!” No change. Big surprise.
–sigh-
“Ok. how about I go in only if she looks this way?”
Bargining with God….yeah, that’s a good idea. Works every time right?
So OF COURSE, immediately as I think this in my head what does she do but look straight at me.
-sigh-
I went into her room and said I thought she looked like she could use a Christmas hug. Instantly the poor thing burst into big crocodile tears, and clung to me like there was no tomorrow. I hugged her back. I sat and chatted with her for a few minutes, and learned that her daughter was also a resident in the facility. We chatted about the holidays, and this dreary weather. When I finally felt it was ok to go I hugged her again, and wished her a Merry Christmas. She thanked me for taking the time to speak with her. Such a small thing. So quick. Just a moment out of my whole day, but it obviously meant the world to her. I left her room glad that I had pushed myself to reach out to her. And more importantly that I had obeyed God.
Right after that our group went into the locked Alzheimer unit. There was an absolutely adorable lady there that I wanted to put in my pocket and take home with me. As we left the unit I realized I didn’t know where my boys where! I turned around and there at the end of the hall right inside one of the rooms, stood Tanner and Riley. They were chatting with a lady who was unable to come down to hear our group in the dining hall like everyone else. I stood and watched them for a minute before I told them to say goodbye.
I asked what made them go down there, and they said they saw her in bed and went to say hi. Again- such a small thing. So quick.
I was so proud of them. And I will carry those memories with me the next couple weeks as I think about the true meaning of this time of year.
God sent His only son to die so that I could live. My human mind cannot even imagine such a thing. Thank you is all I can say to Him. Thank you for blessings to numerous to count.
Thank you
~Charmaine
p.s.
My good friend, Christi, that is the photographer of Snickerdoodles Photography just got back from a missions trip to Africa. If you want to look at some amazing pictures of some beautiful people run over to her blog post titled Africa, I miss you.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Blessed
Ok, so the work Christmas party was not that bad. Actually, it was pretty entertaining. Decent food, and entertainment, and it was nice to just visit with some of my co-workers. :)
I do have to remind myself that I am blessed. The problems I may have at work or home are nothing compared to those faced by others. I will definately be reminded of that when I take Alivia to Children's hospital Friday for a couple of her quarterly tests. EVERYTIME we go there we are reminded of God's blessings to us. The minute you walk through the doors it smacks you in the face. It would be impossible to NOT realize that there are people worse off than us.
So.... I will renew my hope, and press on!!!!
:)
I do have to remind myself that I am blessed. The problems I may have at work or home are nothing compared to those faced by others. I will definately be reminded of that when I take Alivia to Children's hospital Friday for a couple of her quarterly tests. EVERYTIME we go there we are reminded of God's blessings to us. The minute you walk through the doors it smacks you in the face. It would be impossible to NOT realize that there are people worse off than us.
So.... I will renew my hope, and press on!!!!
:)
Friday, December 5, 2008
Where has the time gone? I cannot believe it is already December 5th. I am NO where near ready for this holiday. In any way.
Today is our company christmas party....should be interesting. Always full of eager beavers more than willing to show off what "talent" they THINK they have. And of course there's always the chance to tan their noses a little more....if that's possible. Makes me sick. Amazingly enough, I still manage to have an appetite though! :) Who can resist a chocolate fountain? Whatever genious invented that deserves a nobel peace prize. Seriously, chocolate fountains posted next to every water fountain in all goverment buildings could really change the outcome of things!!!
I'm still reading Twilight. I have to admit I read the 3rd book - Eclipse- in one day! I'm on the final book now- Breaking Dawn- 430 pages into the 800+ page book, and loving it!
Well, gotta run. Time to go watch the rich people get richer....... chocolate fountain here I come!
Today is our company christmas party....should be interesting. Always full of eager beavers more than willing to show off what "talent" they THINK they have. And of course there's always the chance to tan their noses a little more....if that's possible. Makes me sick. Amazingly enough, I still manage to have an appetite though! :) Who can resist a chocolate fountain? Whatever genious invented that deserves a nobel peace prize. Seriously, chocolate fountains posted next to every water fountain in all goverment buildings could really change the outcome of things!!!
I'm still reading Twilight. I have to admit I read the 3rd book - Eclipse- in one day! I'm on the final book now- Breaking Dawn- 430 pages into the 800+ page book, and loving it!
Well, gotta run. Time to go watch the rich people get richer....... chocolate fountain here I come!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Peanut is growing up!
Ok, I have several things bumping around in my head today so bear with me.
First of all…. This Saturday Riley told me his tooth was loose. Sure enough, his bottom 2 front teeth were loose. Then last night on the way home from church it fell out. He was so excited! Scott and Liv and Tanner were all telling him what a big boy he is now etc.
All I could think was………WOW.
My baby, my youngest born, the last one, just lost his first tooth. ~sigh~
I sigh because I know what this means. It’s the beginning of the “end”. “The end” meaning him growing up and not being my little peanut anymore. We got home and I took a good look at him in the light. I swear his face had already changed. He looks so much older –instantly. You know what I mean.
So, while I’m excited he’s a growing healthy boy. I’m sad. He’s officially not a baby anymore. But he’ll always be mommy’s little peanut! :)
Second of all…..on a completely different note.
I love to read. A couple weeks ago, I noticed a young friend at church was reading a book. I asked what it was and it turned out to be the book Twilight. I KNOW you’ve heard of it. Everyone’s talking about it because of the movie that was just released based on this book. And guess what? It’s about vampires! Well, I thought it sounded interesting. I asked if I could read it, and she brought it to me this week.
I read it over the weekend, and {guilty pleasure alert}……I really liked it.
It was very predictable in some senses, in others not. It kept me turning pages until I was done, and dying to read the next.
I can’t wait to go see the movie!
First of all…. This Saturday Riley told me his tooth was loose. Sure enough, his bottom 2 front teeth were loose. Then last night on the way home from church it fell out. He was so excited! Scott and Liv and Tanner were all telling him what a big boy he is now etc.
All I could think was………WOW.
My baby, my youngest born, the last one, just lost his first tooth. ~sigh~
I sigh because I know what this means. It’s the beginning of the “end”. “The end” meaning him growing up and not being my little peanut anymore. We got home and I took a good look at him in the light. I swear his face had already changed. He looks so much older –instantly. You know what I mean.
So, while I’m excited he’s a growing healthy boy. I’m sad. He’s officially not a baby anymore. But he’ll always be mommy’s little peanut! :)
Second of all…..on a completely different note.
I love to read. A couple weeks ago, I noticed a young friend at church was reading a book. I asked what it was and it turned out to be the book Twilight. I KNOW you’ve heard of it. Everyone’s talking about it because of the movie that was just released based on this book. And guess what? It’s about vampires! Well, I thought it sounded interesting. I asked if I could read it, and she brought it to me this week.
I read it over the weekend, and {guilty pleasure alert}……I really liked it.
It was very predictable in some senses, in others not. It kept me turning pages until I was done, and dying to read the next.
I can’t wait to go see the movie!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Pride.....shhh.... don't tell :)
First of all….thank you all for your prayers. I could really feel them this Saturday as I dealt with the “family issue”. I have said before, and will say again, I do not know how I would make it if I didn’t have God in my heart, and on my side.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last night we attended a revival service at our church. Scott and Alivia were supposed to sing, but for some reason they didn’t get to. Anyway, as I sat and watched them while they were practicing before church, I was struck by pride. I have spoken before of the pride I have for my kids. But, as much as this goes against my principle :)...... I will say this aloud –so to speak- I was proud of Scott. I have seen such a change in him. The obvious change came when he got saved last year. Since then things have been so much better for us. Slowly, I feel our relationship getting back to the relaxed loving way it used to be.
In case you didn’t know, right after he got saved, Scott decided to take up the banjo. Yes…..I said banjo.
Even though that kind of music isn’t really my cup of tea, I have to say, he’s pretty good. He plays in church all the time with his friend/ slash banjo teacher, Ralph, and they sound really good. A couple months ago he decided to buy a guitar, and now he’s playing that also.
So he and Ralph have started teaching others. They have 2 banjo students and last night they got 2 for the guitar. Of course, Scott is also trying to teach our kids in the evenings when he can. On top of all this he’s managed to loose 55 pounds in just over 2 months.
My point to telling you all this is to go on record as saying that I am proud of my husband.
He’s a good husband, a great father, a promising musician, and most importantly a righteous man of God. And I am proud of him.
Just do me a favor…..don’t go telling him I said all this…..I mean, I do still have to live with him after all!
~Char
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last night we attended a revival service at our church. Scott and Alivia were supposed to sing, but for some reason they didn’t get to. Anyway, as I sat and watched them while they were practicing before church, I was struck by pride. I have spoken before of the pride I have for my kids. But, as much as this goes against my principle :)...... I will say this aloud –so to speak- I was proud of Scott. I have seen such a change in him. The obvious change came when he got saved last year. Since then things have been so much better for us. Slowly, I feel our relationship getting back to the relaxed loving way it used to be.
In case you didn’t know, right after he got saved, Scott decided to take up the banjo. Yes…..I said banjo.
Even though that kind of music isn’t really my cup of tea, I have to say, he’s pretty good. He plays in church all the time with his friend/ slash banjo teacher, Ralph, and they sound really good. A couple months ago he decided to buy a guitar, and now he’s playing that also.
So he and Ralph have started teaching others. They have 2 banjo students and last night they got 2 for the guitar. Of course, Scott is also trying to teach our kids in the evenings when he can. On top of all this he’s managed to loose 55 pounds in just over 2 months.
My point to telling you all this is to go on record as saying that I am proud of my husband.
He’s a good husband, a great father, a promising musician, and most importantly a righteous man of God. And I am proud of him.
Just do me a favor…..don’t go telling him I said all this…..I mean, I do still have to live with him after all!
~Char
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Dreams.....
We tell our kids to dream BIG. Heck, we even tell ourselves that. But the reality is that it’s not too often that as adults we can say that our dreams have come true.
My good friend Christi however, I would dare to say, can probably say that. –At least in regards to what she gets to do for a living. Her “job” is to capture the moments in our kids/ family life that makes us parents smile. I put job in quotation marks because -to her- it barely seems legal that she gets paid to do something she loves so much.
I met Christi when we were 6 years old, in first grade. She is a wonderful person, and really cares about what she does. Her photography business is called Snickerdoodles -named after the yummy cookies her sweet grandma used to make her.
If you have a need for a photographer, or just want to take a minute to look at some really great pictures that I personally guarantee will make you smile, then run over to her site and take a look.
Of course, I also LOVE photography. I have been known to dabble in the moment capturing business myself. Quite honestly, I am 100% jealous of her! Check it out!
***On a completely different note***
I would like to take the opportunity to ask you to be in prayer with me regarding a family issue. If you know me personally then you know that I refer to my family as the poster family for dysfunctional families. I am currently in the middle of some issues, and I would really appreciate your prayers.
Pray that God gives me strength, guidance, wisdom, and temperance. Pray that my words come across respectful and in love. Pray that I can hear, and be heard.
Thank you
My good friend Christi however, I would dare to say, can probably say that. –At least in regards to what she gets to do for a living. Her “job” is to capture the moments in our kids/ family life that makes us parents smile. I put job in quotation marks because -to her- it barely seems legal that she gets paid to do something she loves so much.
I met Christi when we were 6 years old, in first grade. She is a wonderful person, and really cares about what she does. Her photography business is called Snickerdoodles -named after the yummy cookies her sweet grandma used to make her.
If you have a need for a photographer, or just want to take a minute to look at some really great pictures that I personally guarantee will make you smile, then run over to her site and take a look.
Of course, I also LOVE photography. I have been known to dabble in the moment capturing business myself. Quite honestly, I am 100% jealous of her! Check it out!
***On a completely different note***
I would like to take the opportunity to ask you to be in prayer with me regarding a family issue. If you know me personally then you know that I refer to my family as the poster family for dysfunctional families. I am currently in the middle of some issues, and I would really appreciate your prayers.
Pray that God gives me strength, guidance, wisdom, and temperance. Pray that my words come across respectful and in love. Pray that I can hear, and be heard.
Thank you
Monday, November 3, 2008
All Natural Baby!
Well, it was bound to happen sometime. I have tempted fate one too many times I guess.
You see, I always put my make up on either while driving to work, or when I get there. And this morning I forgot it. I repeat - I forgot it.
Yes, ladies & gentlemen, I will have to go the whole day all natural baby. Whoa.
As an added bonus I am in the middle of one of my horrible sinus infections. So even with makeup I would still have looked scary. YIKES.
I’m sure I’ll get lots of …
“do you feel bad today?” and “how old are you?” “only 34? Really? Hmm”
Yes, someone in butler county is liable to get hurt today. Pray for me people!
~Char -aka- scary spice
You see, I always put my make up on either while driving to work, or when I get there. And this morning I forgot it. I repeat - I forgot it.
Yes, ladies & gentlemen, I will have to go the whole day all natural baby. Whoa.
As an added bonus I am in the middle of one of my horrible sinus infections. So even with makeup I would still have looked scary. YIKES.
I’m sure I’ll get lots of …
“do you feel bad today?” and “how old are you?” “only 34? Really? Hmm”
Yes, someone in butler county is liable to get hurt today. Pray for me people!
~Char -aka- scary spice
Monday, October 27, 2008
Tanner's birthday!
Today is Tanner’s 9th birthday. I just looked down at the clock; it’s 7 a.m. 9 years ago, at this exact time I was checking into the hospital with big contractions. I was praying that this one would go better than the last one! And it did! My labor with Tanner was one for the text books. He was the only one I was able to have with out help of a c-section.
He weighed in at 8lbs. 1oz.
The delivery was not with out problems though. He had the cord wrapped around his neck twice, and didn’t take a breath on his own for the first 11 minutes of his life. At the time we were worried about brain damage, but as God has so many, many times, He held my child in His capable hand. An hour after they took him to the N.I.C.U. they brought him back. He was fine! There was no reason to transfer him to Children’s.
God has done so many things for my family, and I thank Him for the blessings He has given me. One of those blessings is turning 9 today, and I am even more in love with his big blue eyes, his chubby cheeks that have lost that baby look, and his quiet ways that speak with out words. He’s my Tanner boy, and sometimes I see glimpses of the man that he will some day be. Some day he may not want to cuddle, or freely accept my kisses all over those big ol’ cheeks. But ,thankfully, that is NOT today! So, today I say-
Happy birthday Tanner boy! I love you all the way to the moon and back again!
Love,
Mommy
He weighed in at 8lbs. 1oz.
The delivery was not with out problems though. He had the cord wrapped around his neck twice, and didn’t take a breath on his own for the first 11 minutes of his life. At the time we were worried about brain damage, but as God has so many, many times, He held my child in His capable hand. An hour after they took him to the N.I.C.U. they brought him back. He was fine! There was no reason to transfer him to Children’s.
God has done so many things for my family, and I thank Him for the blessings He has given me. One of those blessings is turning 9 today, and I am even more in love with his big blue eyes, his chubby cheeks that have lost that baby look, and his quiet ways that speak with out words. He’s my Tanner boy, and sometimes I see glimpses of the man that he will some day be. Some day he may not want to cuddle, or freely accept my kisses all over those big ol’ cheeks. But ,thankfully, that is NOT today! So, today I say-
Happy birthday Tanner boy! I love you all the way to the moon and back again!
Love,
Mommy
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Catch up
There are simply not enough hours in the day.
It has been so long since I’ve posted anything! Life – as usual – has been busy!
School is in full swing, and so chaos is a constant visitor in our house.
Let’s see if I can bring you up to speed…..
Alivia met her new Dr. and we liked him. He agreed with me that her bladder problems are most likely related to her scleroderma. She is doing good though. No infections for 2 months. Tanner and Riley are doing well. No colds, or asthma attacks. All 3 of them have grown so much I had to go out and buy them some pants. Luckily, I was able to score big at the thrift store….love the thrift store!!!!!!
Scott finally went to the dr. He was diagnosed with insulin resistance. It’s similar to diabetes. He started on medicine, and healthy diet, and has lost 30 pounds in just over a month. WHATEVER! Men can think about loosing weight and it happens. Makes me sick. :)
I am the same. Nothing new to report at all. Still overweight, still wish I didn’t have to work full time, still doing laundry, still doing dishes, still tired allllll the time.
October 9th was our 15 year wedding anniversary. 15 years. Where has the time gone? We took the kids, and Scott’s mom and dad came along, to Natural Bridge, KY for the weekend. It was so nice, and relaxing. We fished, the kids rode go carts, and of course we went to the bridge one day. It was a much needed quiet and relaaaaaxing weekend!
To top it off Scott surprised me with a beautiful anniversary band. It is so pretty, I love it!
We got home Sunday, and Brian called to tell us that he had just fallen off the ladder while working on some siding at his new house. He’s ok. He broke his ankle, and messed up his knee but it could have been so much worse.
Well, I guess that it. I think you’re all caught up now!
Love to all,
Char
Our beautiful cabin in the woods The beautiful lake down the lane
Riley caught a big one!!! On top of the bridge - the sun's in our eyes!
It has been so long since I’ve posted anything! Life – as usual – has been busy!
School is in full swing, and so chaos is a constant visitor in our house.
Let’s see if I can bring you up to speed…..
Alivia met her new Dr. and we liked him. He agreed with me that her bladder problems are most likely related to her scleroderma. She is doing good though. No infections for 2 months. Tanner and Riley are doing well. No colds, or asthma attacks. All 3 of them have grown so much I had to go out and buy them some pants. Luckily, I was able to score big at the thrift store….love the thrift store!!!!!!
Scott finally went to the dr. He was diagnosed with insulin resistance. It’s similar to diabetes. He started on medicine, and healthy diet, and has lost 30 pounds in just over a month. WHATEVER! Men can think about loosing weight and it happens. Makes me sick. :)
I am the same. Nothing new to report at all. Still overweight, still wish I didn’t have to work full time, still doing laundry, still doing dishes, still tired allllll the time.
October 9th was our 15 year wedding anniversary. 15 years. Where has the time gone? We took the kids, and Scott’s mom and dad came along, to Natural Bridge, KY for the weekend. It was so nice, and relaxing. We fished, the kids rode go carts, and of course we went to the bridge one day. It was a much needed quiet and relaaaaaxing weekend!
To top it off Scott surprised me with a beautiful anniversary band. It is so pretty, I love it!
We got home Sunday, and Brian called to tell us that he had just fallen off the ladder while working on some siding at his new house. He’s ok. He broke his ankle, and messed up his knee but it could have been so much worse.
Well, I guess that it. I think you’re all caught up now!
Love to all,
Char
Here are some pictures from our KY trip!
Our beautiful cabin in the woods The beautiful lake down the lane
Riley caught a big one!!! On top of the bridge - the sun's in our eyes!
I made Tanner pose for his 9 year old b-day pictures while there...isn't he handsome?!
Last, but not least, an artsy fartsy photo :)
Friday, August 15, 2008
It's been awhile
Ok, so it has been brought to my attention that it's been awhile since I've posted.
I have no exciting reason to report for this except that well used excuse of.... I've been busy!!!!
Life has been hectic lately. In the last couple months I have changed jobs 3 times. At the same company. Not b/c I'm a looser that can't keep the job, but b/c there's been a lot of changes in the department I work in. I am now in a position that I am faith believing will be permanent. And -bonus- I like this position.
My brother & sister in law are building their house. Scott's been gone alot helping out...heck I've been there alot...and helped out as much as I can.
We've been to the hospital a couple times. Nothing wrong, just Liv's normal tests. -Echo, and blood work. She currently has ANOTHER UTI. I think I should have named her
Alivia urinary tract infection W. We go next Friday to meet her new scleroderma dr. She doesn't seem concerned, but I'm a bit anxious. I just hope I like him, and more importantly trust him.
Let's see... what else? Oh! last night I took Liv to 6th grade orientation. yes, that's right I said 6th grade. Good grief charlie brown! We walked into the gym, and I was kind of awestruck. As we sat there with a couple hundred other parents, and kids, I had all kinds of thoughts and emotions.
-Wow, I can't believe this MIDDLE school is bigger than my ENTIRE school that I graduated from.
-Man, this is a whole new ballgame. New rules, new kids. Real lockers, elective classes, advisors, guidance counselors, etc. whew!
-I hope Liv makes friends. I hope she really does well this year.I hope I wish I pray
I asked her is she was nervous, and she looked up at me and said - uh, yeah, little bit! Which made me laugh, and her too. We got her schedule, and they told us about all the clubs and things like that she can join. About right now, I'm feeling very handicapped. I not only have to learn how to be a parent to a 6th grader, but I have to not look like a idiot when I don't really know what all this stuff is. Remember, I graduated from po dunk bubble school...we didn't have all these things. ugh. I need a tums.
The boys are doing good. Tanner will be in 3rd, and Riley in 1st this year. This is craziness I tell ya! Tanner hasn't read enough this summer. I hope he does allright. Riley is still my little peanut, but I can see the changes. They are also growing up right before my eyes. So tall. So independent. So...boys. ugh. I need another tums.
I will leave you with a story that will sum up my life these days......
I was off Monday. I spent the whole day catching up on laundry. It was beautiful outside so the kids played outside all day. Late afternoon they started fighting, getting on each others nerves etc.
- I walked upstairs w/ a basket full of laundry...I can hear Liv & Tan arguing...I sigh and put the basket down...i open my mouth to yell at them...instead of seeing them out the window I see Riley. He is standing in the yard holding an empty water bottle to his stomach....wait it's not his stomach...it's his little wee wee...what is he doing?...oh niiiice...he's peeing in the bottle. I yell for him to stop. At which point he sees me, holds the bottle up for me to see, starts laughing hysterically, and then dumps it on the patio.....
I need more tums....
I have no exciting reason to report for this except that well used excuse of.... I've been busy!!!!
Life has been hectic lately. In the last couple months I have changed jobs 3 times. At the same company. Not b/c I'm a looser that can't keep the job, but b/c there's been a lot of changes in the department I work in. I am now in a position that I am faith believing will be permanent. And -bonus- I like this position.
My brother & sister in law are building their house. Scott's been gone alot helping out...heck I've been there alot...and helped out as much as I can.
We've been to the hospital a couple times. Nothing wrong, just Liv's normal tests. -Echo, and blood work. She currently has ANOTHER UTI. I think I should have named her
Alivia urinary tract infection W. We go next Friday to meet her new scleroderma dr. She doesn't seem concerned, but I'm a bit anxious. I just hope I like him, and more importantly trust him.
Let's see... what else? Oh! last night I took Liv to 6th grade orientation. yes, that's right I said 6th grade. Good grief charlie brown! We walked into the gym, and I was kind of awestruck. As we sat there with a couple hundred other parents, and kids, I had all kinds of thoughts and emotions.
-Wow, I can't believe this MIDDLE school is bigger than my ENTIRE school that I graduated from.
-Man, this is a whole new ballgame. New rules, new kids. Real lockers, elective classes, advisors, guidance counselors, etc. whew!
-I hope Liv makes friends. I hope she really does well this year.I hope I wish I pray
I asked her is she was nervous, and she looked up at me and said - uh, yeah, little bit! Which made me laugh, and her too. We got her schedule, and they told us about all the clubs and things like that she can join. About right now, I'm feeling very handicapped. I not only have to learn how to be a parent to a 6th grader, but I have to not look like a idiot when I don't really know what all this stuff is. Remember, I graduated from po dunk bubble school...we didn't have all these things. ugh. I need a tums.
The boys are doing good. Tanner will be in 3rd, and Riley in 1st this year. This is craziness I tell ya! Tanner hasn't read enough this summer. I hope he does allright. Riley is still my little peanut, but I can see the changes. They are also growing up right before my eyes. So tall. So independent. So...boys. ugh. I need another tums.
I will leave you with a story that will sum up my life these days......
I was off Monday. I spent the whole day catching up on laundry. It was beautiful outside so the kids played outside all day. Late afternoon they started fighting, getting on each others nerves etc.
- I walked upstairs w/ a basket full of laundry...I can hear Liv & Tan arguing...I sigh and put the basket down...i open my mouth to yell at them...instead of seeing them out the window I see Riley. He is standing in the yard holding an empty water bottle to his stomach....wait it's not his stomach...it's his little wee wee...what is he doing?...oh niiiice...he's peeing in the bottle. I yell for him to stop. At which point he sees me, holds the bottle up for me to see, starts laughing hysterically, and then dumps it on the patio.....
I need more tums....
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
I love being a mom
I really love being a mom. I know everybody says that, but I really mean it. I do love it. That’s not to say there aren’t times when 3 over extended, sleep deprived, all around grouchy kids work my last nerve….because there are those times. Like last night. However, all in all, I love it. It makes me sad & excited to see my kids are growing up. And as they grow and change so do I. I no longer battle over nap times, or have cupboards full of sippy cups and onesis, HOWEVER there are still battles.
My oldest child, my daughter, Alivia, is almost 11 years old. She is standing on the threshold of adolescence. I know this for the following reasons:
1. She’s becoming a little moody. Just a little. Its subtle little things….
2. She’s beginning to care a little bit about what she wears. 95% of the time I lay out her clothes, but lately she’s begun to want to do that herself…..ok, great!
3. She stinks. As in I went out and bought her deodorant. OMG need I say more?
I welcome this new independence. I try my best to encourage it, nurture her creativity and individuality. However, this is where the battle comes in, her hair is another matter. I cannot stand a ratty head of hair. Alivia on the other hand, could care less. Brushing her hair is a constant battle. I am constantly reminding her. Which brings us to last night….
She was the last to shower. I read her brothers a couple books while she showered, and got ready for bed. We finished reading, and everyone got tucked in. Being older, Alivia is allowed the special privilege of reading or writing in her diary for awhile. I went downstairs, and when I came back up I peeked in on her. We chatted for a minute, and I kissed her goodnight. As I walked out I realized she had not brushed out her hair after her shower. This is how the conversation went….
“Alivia, did you brush your hair out?”
“no”
“Well, you need to. Do you want me to throw you a brush?”
“no”
“why not?”
“ ‘cause I’m not gonna brush it tonight”
--I give that mother look—
“why?”
“ ‘cause”
“ALIVIA”
“mommy, I’ll brush it in the morning”
“You need to brush it tonight. It’ll be all tangled in the morning.”
“I know”
--Lord, give me strength-- I try again
“so…. Why don’t you just brush it tonight?”
“ well, --big sigh-- I guess I just like a challenge.”
I just lost the battle.
I laughed, and walked out of the room with a big smile on my face.
Yes, I LOVE being a mom.
My oldest child, my daughter, Alivia, is almost 11 years old. She is standing on the threshold of adolescence. I know this for the following reasons:
1. She’s becoming a little moody. Just a little. Its subtle little things….
2. She’s beginning to care a little bit about what she wears. 95% of the time I lay out her clothes, but lately she’s begun to want to do that herself…..ok, great!
3. She stinks. As in I went out and bought her deodorant. OMG need I say more?
I welcome this new independence. I try my best to encourage it, nurture her creativity and individuality. However, this is where the battle comes in, her hair is another matter. I cannot stand a ratty head of hair. Alivia on the other hand, could care less. Brushing her hair is a constant battle. I am constantly reminding her. Which brings us to last night….
She was the last to shower. I read her brothers a couple books while she showered, and got ready for bed. We finished reading, and everyone got tucked in. Being older, Alivia is allowed the special privilege of reading or writing in her diary for awhile. I went downstairs, and when I came back up I peeked in on her. We chatted for a minute, and I kissed her goodnight. As I walked out I realized she had not brushed out her hair after her shower. This is how the conversation went….
“Alivia, did you brush your hair out?”
“no”
“Well, you need to. Do you want me to throw you a brush?”
“no”
“why not?”
“ ‘cause I’m not gonna brush it tonight”
--I give that mother look—
“why?”
“ ‘cause”
“ALIVIA”
“mommy, I’ll brush it in the morning”
“You need to brush it tonight. It’ll be all tangled in the morning.”
“I know”
--Lord, give me strength-- I try again
“so…. Why don’t you just brush it tonight?”
“ well, --big sigh-- I guess I just like a challenge.”
I just lost the battle.
I laughed, and walked out of the room with a big smile on my face.
Yes, I LOVE being a mom.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Calling all women
Recently, it has come to light that there is an epidemic of unhappiness among the women in my life. Allow me to clarify. By “women in my life” I mean sisters, cousins, nieces, new friends, old friends, fellow church members, Co-workers and acquaintances. I have casual relationships with some of these women, and others are very near and dear to me. They are at all different stages of their lives. Some are older, some younger, some have young kids; some have teenagers or older children. Some work, some don’t. One common thread seems to be stitched through all of us women….discontentment.
It has been making my little wheels turn. Why is this? I don’t know. I do not have the answer.
I have said before, and will say again. I am a Christian. I live my life according to God’s word. Therefore, the first thing I do is run and pray. Pray- pray- pray. And then pray some more. Lately, all I’ve been doing is praying. Praying for you, praying for me.
So what’s going on with all these unhappy women you ask? Well, some have physical problems. A few hate their jobs. Some are unfulfilled, or unsatisfied with their current lot in life. It made me think….are women just inherently discontent? Do we always find a reason to be unhappy? No matter what? Is it just a case of “the grass is always greener”?
I don’t think so. I have decided it is a whole big bunch of things all wrapped up into one working against us women. It’s guilt. It’s low self esteem. It’s being unsure of ourselves. It’s selflessness. It’s that built in need to take care of everyone else. It’s society. It’s thinking we should have our cake and eat it too.
When I’m at work I don’t want to be. I can’t wait to leave, and be at home with my family. But after an extended period spending time with only my kids I crave adult time.
And… (yes, I know I’m jaded when I say this) but I also think it has a lot to do with those men in our lives. Now calm down, I’m not blaming them for our problems. I’m just saying that the simple truth is that women usually bear most of the “burden” in their relationship. Most every woman I know is the primary care giver, chief cook & bottle washer, financial guru, activities director, and taxi for her family. Not to mention that she also puts in a 40 hr. work week for someone else and only gets paid a portion of what her husband makes. Probably because he has that magic penis of his. :)
I guess what I’m saying is that I do not have answers. I wish I did. What I DO have is love, and prayers. If you reading this are a “woman in my life” then know this. I love you, and pray for you on a regular basis. Really.
Also, know this. I think we should ban together to support each other instead of pick at each other. Let’s get together for lunch or dinner and have “group therapy”. Seriously.
Women are strange breed, and we can understand each other better than anyone else. Men certainly don’t understand us. They’re too busy playing with magic.
Love, prayers, and big fat bear hugs to all my peeps! :)
~Char
It has been making my little wheels turn. Why is this? I don’t know. I do not have the answer.
I have said before, and will say again. I am a Christian. I live my life according to God’s word. Therefore, the first thing I do is run and pray. Pray- pray- pray. And then pray some more. Lately, all I’ve been doing is praying. Praying for you, praying for me.
So what’s going on with all these unhappy women you ask? Well, some have physical problems. A few hate their jobs. Some are unfulfilled, or unsatisfied with their current lot in life. It made me think….are women just inherently discontent? Do we always find a reason to be unhappy? No matter what? Is it just a case of “the grass is always greener”?
I don’t think so. I have decided it is a whole big bunch of things all wrapped up into one working against us women. It’s guilt. It’s low self esteem. It’s being unsure of ourselves. It’s selflessness. It’s that built in need to take care of everyone else. It’s society. It’s thinking we should have our cake and eat it too.
When I’m at work I don’t want to be. I can’t wait to leave, and be at home with my family. But after an extended period spending time with only my kids I crave adult time.
And… (yes, I know I’m jaded when I say this) but I also think it has a lot to do with those men in our lives. Now calm down, I’m not blaming them for our problems. I’m just saying that the simple truth is that women usually bear most of the “burden” in their relationship. Most every woman I know is the primary care giver, chief cook & bottle washer, financial guru, activities director, and taxi for her family. Not to mention that she also puts in a 40 hr. work week for someone else and only gets paid a portion of what her husband makes. Probably because he has that magic penis of his. :)
I guess what I’m saying is that I do not have answers. I wish I did. What I DO have is love, and prayers. If you reading this are a “woman in my life” then know this. I love you, and pray for you on a regular basis. Really.
Also, know this. I think we should ban together to support each other instead of pick at each other. Let’s get together for lunch or dinner and have “group therapy”. Seriously.
Women are strange breed, and we can understand each other better than anyone else. Men certainly don’t understand us. They’re too busy playing with magic.
Love, prayers, and big fat bear hugs to all my peeps! :)
~Char
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Ode to McDonald's Diet Coke
Ode to McDonald’s Diet Coke
Oh McDonald’s Diet Coke how I love you!
You’re simple sweetness refreshes my soul
Dark and mysterious
Cool and crisp
Like liquid nector from the gods
You strengthen me, refresh me, sustain me
Oh McDonald’s Diet Coke, How I love you!!!
I’m feeling a bit silly this morning. Maybe it’s delirium. I’m soooo incredibly tired. I have no idea how I dragged myself out of bed this morning and came to work.
Uggghhh……so sleepy….eyes drooping….must…stay…awake…must…work….need caffeine…..go to McDonald’s…
...big ol’ Diet Coke…..AHHHH….ok…bring it on!!!
Like I said, I’m feeling silly today.
:)
~Char
Oh McDonald’s Diet Coke how I love you!
You’re simple sweetness refreshes my soul
Dark and mysterious
Cool and crisp
Like liquid nector from the gods
You strengthen me, refresh me, sustain me
Oh McDonald’s Diet Coke, How I love you!!!
I’m feeling a bit silly this morning. Maybe it’s delirium. I’m soooo incredibly tired. I have no idea how I dragged myself out of bed this morning and came to work.
Uggghhh……so sleepy….eyes drooping….must…stay…awake…must…work….need caffeine…..go to McDonald’s…
...big ol’ Diet Coke…..AHHHH….ok…bring it on!!!
Like I said, I’m feeling silly today.
:)
~Char
Monday, June 9, 2008
5 Little words
Words are amazing. They can hurt, they can heal, they can change everything.
One year ago on June 6th, a good friend of mine lost her sweet 6 year old son to complications from leukemia. I will never ever forget that day. I vividly remember every excruciating detail of that day from the minute I got the phone call until I fell into fitful sleep that night.
Can you imagine? You may think you can, but believe me you can't even begin to.
I met my friend at work, and even though we have very different personalities we clicked. Then her son got sick, and a few months later my daughter was diagnosed. Our bond grew. Even after she and I found different jobs we stayed in touch, although her son had rough moments, I never believed he wouldn't beat it. Apparently, she had been leaving important information about his health out of our conversations. I didn't physically see him much as we mostly met kid free for some relaxing time together. So I never realized just how sick he was. Then what, to me, was out of the blue he died.
I got the call at work. Let me refer to my former statement....you. can. NOT. IMAGINE.
I was totally unprepared, and had NO idea how to support my friend during a time like this. Especially since my daughter had just been given a wonderful report at a specialist we had just seen. Somehow I fumbled through, and marveled at how gracefully my friend showed strength.
Fast forward one year to this past week. The fast approaching "anniversary" was alllll I could think about. What do I say? How do I handle this? Do I acknowledge it, or let it pass? Somebody please tell me!!!
Finally I decided to send a brief e-mail acknowledging it, sending prayers, and love, and wishes of wonderful memories.
I held my breath. I really didn't think I would hear a word.
But when I checked my email today, I saw her reply......I opened it hesitantly.
Then I read the sweetest words.......
Thank you. I appreciate that.
5 little words that have me smiling from ear to ear, and feeling like I did the right thing.
5 little words.
Words are amazing.
~Charmaine
One year ago on June 6th, a good friend of mine lost her sweet 6 year old son to complications from leukemia. I will never ever forget that day. I vividly remember every excruciating detail of that day from the minute I got the phone call until I fell into fitful sleep that night.
Can you imagine? You may think you can, but believe me you can't even begin to.
I met my friend at work, and even though we have very different personalities we clicked. Then her son got sick, and a few months later my daughter was diagnosed. Our bond grew. Even after she and I found different jobs we stayed in touch, although her son had rough moments, I never believed he wouldn't beat it. Apparently, she had been leaving important information about his health out of our conversations. I didn't physically see him much as we mostly met kid free for some relaxing time together. So I never realized just how sick he was. Then what, to me, was out of the blue he died.
I got the call at work. Let me refer to my former statement....you. can. NOT. IMAGINE.
I was totally unprepared, and had NO idea how to support my friend during a time like this. Especially since my daughter had just been given a wonderful report at a specialist we had just seen. Somehow I fumbled through, and marveled at how gracefully my friend showed strength.
Fast forward one year to this past week. The fast approaching "anniversary" was alllll I could think about. What do I say? How do I handle this? Do I acknowledge it, or let it pass? Somebody please tell me!!!
Finally I decided to send a brief e-mail acknowledging it, sending prayers, and love, and wishes of wonderful memories.
I held my breath. I really didn't think I would hear a word.
But when I checked my email today, I saw her reply......I opened it hesitantly.
Then I read the sweetest words.......
Thank you. I appreciate that.
5 little words that have me smiling from ear to ear, and feeling like I did the right thing.
5 little words.
Words are amazing.
~Charmaine
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
The magic *****
I consider myself a fairly intelligent person. More than this I am a Christian. I pray for patience, and humility, and the chance to show others God’s love.
I am a wife, and mother. I cook, I clean, I do laundry. I pack lunches, chaperone field trips, and kiss scraped knees. I work 10 hours a day, and then come home to help with homework, and do even more laundry. As a mother, being selfless, and putting the needs of others first comes naturally for me.
So why do I get sooooo worked up by other peoples inability to do the same?
Let me first start off by saying that, as I write this, I am fully aware that I am completely in the thick of PMS. Therefore, I realize that hormones are probably coloring my feelings and thoughts right now. But what’s a blog for if it isn’t to allow its author to honestly express her thoughts right?
Having said that let me just spill out some misc rick rack that is bumping around in my head……
You know what bugs me? Men, or women, but especially men that think they are more important than they are. Why do some people walk around feeling they are above the “law”? Any by law, I don’t mean the go to jail if you break it law; I mean the laws of decency. Laws such as being respectful to each other, having compassion, and just plain willingness to walk across the room and turn the light on yourself! I mean really, is it THAT hard? Or, do you get THAT much gratification watching me do it? Seriously.
I realize that I am jaded. After 14 ½ years of marriage I have dealt with more than my fair share of heartache, and crisis. I have long ago given up the dream of a “fairytale” romance, and replaced it with the realistic love that I share with my husband. He is a good man. He works hard for our family, and I have never doubted his love for me or our children. I have never doubted his faithfulness to me. I know that this alone is a rare gift.
Long ago I gave up the need or expectancy of flowers, and cards. Instead I enjoy knowing that he loves me only; I relish the fact that he still bugs me for sex even though I am physically nothing like I was when he married me. (lets just say 3 kids and lots of stress eating have not been kind)
Regardless of this knowledge it still bugs me that even though I work outside the home just like my husband, it is still totally my responsibility to cook, clean, and do that ever mounting pile of laundry. Why is that?
There was a time in history when it was common that all men worked outside the home, and women stayed home to do all the things I have just listed plus many more. But that is NOT today. Today, 2008, it is rare that any woman would call herself a “homemaker”. Some women simply have no desire to. Others, such as me, would jump at that chance, but have no choice in the matter. Their income is needed to support the family just as much as their husbands.
So, us “modern mothers” get up shower before dawn, pack lunches, lay out dinner, and go to work. We come home to tackle the house and whatever needs done, and then fall into bed late at night. This is where I start to get irritated. Why is it that all these household chores still fall on us? Why do men work the same amount of hours at us, but when they come home, they get to relaaaaax? Ok, so maybe they take out the garbage or cut the grass. Does that really compare? Not in my book. I mean seriously. I may have when to a small Christian school, and not excelled in math, but I can add. I don’t see how walking a bag or can to the curb, or sitting on a lawn mower for an hour or so compares to allllll the millions of things we do! NO WAY!
So I had to rationalize this. Why. Is. this? Why IS this? As Winnie the Pooh says….think think think…..Then one day it dawned on me. Men have magic. Magic that women do not have. More specifically they have a magic apparatus. What is it you ask? Well, let me enlighten you………
Are you ready for this?
Men possess a magic penis. [insert ominous sound effects]
Think about it ladies. It’s the one thing they possess that we don’t, and can’t.
And it’s magic.
I have studied up on this subject, and decided it’s different for each man. For some men it removes guilt. For others it removes the ability to see laundry, or know the location of the sink. For some it impairs their ability to hear a child crying, or smell things. Universally, it impairs their sense of direction, and common sense.
Curiously, the magic penis increases men’s perception of size, and importance.
Of course, there are other qualities the magic penis possesses, but we won’t discus those here.
So ladies, I hope I have opened your eyes. The next time you feel overwhelmed or frustrated with your husband remember……… He has magic.
Accept it and move on. After all, how are you going to compete with magic?????
:)
I am a wife, and mother. I cook, I clean, I do laundry. I pack lunches, chaperone field trips, and kiss scraped knees. I work 10 hours a day, and then come home to help with homework, and do even more laundry. As a mother, being selfless, and putting the needs of others first comes naturally for me.
So why do I get sooooo worked up by other peoples inability to do the same?
Let me first start off by saying that, as I write this, I am fully aware that I am completely in the thick of PMS. Therefore, I realize that hormones are probably coloring my feelings and thoughts right now. But what’s a blog for if it isn’t to allow its author to honestly express her thoughts right?
Having said that let me just spill out some misc rick rack that is bumping around in my head……
You know what bugs me? Men, or women, but especially men that think they are more important than they are. Why do some people walk around feeling they are above the “law”? Any by law, I don’t mean the go to jail if you break it law; I mean the laws of decency. Laws such as being respectful to each other, having compassion, and just plain willingness to walk across the room and turn the light on yourself! I mean really, is it THAT hard? Or, do you get THAT much gratification watching me do it? Seriously.
I realize that I am jaded. After 14 ½ years of marriage I have dealt with more than my fair share of heartache, and crisis. I have long ago given up the dream of a “fairytale” romance, and replaced it with the realistic love that I share with my husband. He is a good man. He works hard for our family, and I have never doubted his love for me or our children. I have never doubted his faithfulness to me. I know that this alone is a rare gift.
Long ago I gave up the need or expectancy of flowers, and cards. Instead I enjoy knowing that he loves me only; I relish the fact that he still bugs me for sex even though I am physically nothing like I was when he married me. (lets just say 3 kids and lots of stress eating have not been kind)
Regardless of this knowledge it still bugs me that even though I work outside the home just like my husband, it is still totally my responsibility to cook, clean, and do that ever mounting pile of laundry. Why is that?
There was a time in history when it was common that all men worked outside the home, and women stayed home to do all the things I have just listed plus many more. But that is NOT today. Today, 2008, it is rare that any woman would call herself a “homemaker”. Some women simply have no desire to. Others, such as me, would jump at that chance, but have no choice in the matter. Their income is needed to support the family just as much as their husbands.
So, us “modern mothers” get up shower before dawn, pack lunches, lay out dinner, and go to work. We come home to tackle the house and whatever needs done, and then fall into bed late at night. This is where I start to get irritated. Why is it that all these household chores still fall on us? Why do men work the same amount of hours at us, but when they come home, they get to relaaaaax? Ok, so maybe they take out the garbage or cut the grass. Does that really compare? Not in my book. I mean seriously. I may have when to a small Christian school, and not excelled in math, but I can add. I don’t see how walking a bag or can to the curb, or sitting on a lawn mower for an hour or so compares to allllll the millions of things we do! NO WAY!
So I had to rationalize this. Why. Is. this? Why IS this? As Winnie the Pooh says….think think think…..Then one day it dawned on me. Men have magic. Magic that women do not have. More specifically they have a magic apparatus. What is it you ask? Well, let me enlighten you………
Are you ready for this?
Men possess a magic penis. [insert ominous sound effects]
Think about it ladies. It’s the one thing they possess that we don’t, and can’t.
And it’s magic.
I have studied up on this subject, and decided it’s different for each man. For some men it removes guilt. For others it removes the ability to see laundry, or know the location of the sink. For some it impairs their ability to hear a child crying, or smell things. Universally, it impairs their sense of direction, and common sense.
Curiously, the magic penis increases men’s perception of size, and importance.
Of course, there are other qualities the magic penis possesses, but we won’t discus those here.
So ladies, I hope I have opened your eyes. The next time you feel overwhelmed or frustrated with your husband remember……… He has magic.
Accept it and move on. After all, how are you going to compete with magic?????
:)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Put on a happy face
♪♫♪
Gray skies are gonna clear up,Put on a happy face;Brush off the clouds and cheer up,Put on a happy face.Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy,It's not your style;You'll look so good that you'll be gladYa' decide to smile!Pick out a pleasant outlook,Stick out that noble chin;Wipe off that "full of doubt" look,Slap on a happy grin!And spread sunshine all over the place,Just put on a happy face! ♪♫♪
This is what I am doing. Putting on a happy face!
Last week I went to work and found out I didn’t have a job. But don’t worry, I was given another job. I wasn’t totally surprised, but I’m not gonna pretend that it didn’t bother me. Because it did. However, after lots of time praying, and seeking God’s help, I have a new attitude. ♪♫♪ I got a new attitude ♪♫♪ :)
With God’s help I am going to be the best at this job that I can be!
There are other things. Such as the fact that, financially, things are tight right now. I have decided that money really is the root of all evil! I say we go back to the old days, and start trading chickens for cows, etc. Who’s with me?!
Seriously though, it struck me the other day that it is so easy to feel sorry for ourselves. God has blessed me so much, and yet when I go through a little rough patch I start with self pity, and doubt.
Over the last couple weeks, I have been focusing on the negative.
>all these bills are due at once. How am I going to pay everything?
>if I loose my job what in the world will we do?
>why do I constantly struggle with allergies, sinus problems, and asthma?
>the kids have grown so much they’re all 3 going to need new summer clothes!
>gas is sooo expensive!
>how am I going to pay for day care this summer?
AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, deep breaths. Close your eyes. Talk to God.
Focus on the positive.
>yes, we have a lot of bills right now, but God is faithful. He has always taken care of us.
>I did NOT loose my job. God prepared the way, and I kept a job. He will help me learn this new position, and perform it to the best of my ability.
>Allergies, and asthma? Things could be worse. Most importantly, the kids are doing well. We haven’t been to the dr. for them for a record length of time! I live in America where I have access to medicines to help me. Some for free!
>Yes, the kids have grown. This is a good thing. My kids are healthy, and growing!!!!!
I went to the thrift store and got an entire cart full of clothes for them for $70!
>we will adjust to gas prices. God will provide. He will take care of us.
>God took care of summer day care too. Alivia will be free, and Scott will be working at home a couple days a week so the kids can stay with him.
God provides. He will never leave me or forsake me. He will make a way.
So, like I said before………….. ♪♫♪I got a new attitude ♪♫♪
I’m going to put on a happy face, and count my blessings!!!!
Philippians 4:4-9
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Peace and love to all!
~Charmaine
Gray skies are gonna clear up,Put on a happy face;Brush off the clouds and cheer up,Put on a happy face.Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy,It's not your style;You'll look so good that you'll be gladYa' decide to smile!Pick out a pleasant outlook,Stick out that noble chin;Wipe off that "full of doubt" look,Slap on a happy grin!And spread sunshine all over the place,Just put on a happy face! ♪♫♪
This is what I am doing. Putting on a happy face!
Last week I went to work and found out I didn’t have a job. But don’t worry, I was given another job. I wasn’t totally surprised, but I’m not gonna pretend that it didn’t bother me. Because it did. However, after lots of time praying, and seeking God’s help, I have a new attitude. ♪♫♪ I got a new attitude ♪♫♪ :)
With God’s help I am going to be the best at this job that I can be!
There are other things. Such as the fact that, financially, things are tight right now. I have decided that money really is the root of all evil! I say we go back to the old days, and start trading chickens for cows, etc. Who’s with me?!
Seriously though, it struck me the other day that it is so easy to feel sorry for ourselves. God has blessed me so much, and yet when I go through a little rough patch I start with self pity, and doubt.
Over the last couple weeks, I have been focusing on the negative.
>all these bills are due at once. How am I going to pay everything?
>if I loose my job what in the world will we do?
>why do I constantly struggle with allergies, sinus problems, and asthma?
>the kids have grown so much they’re all 3 going to need new summer clothes!
>gas is sooo expensive!
>how am I going to pay for day care this summer?
AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, deep breaths. Close your eyes. Talk to God.
Focus on the positive.
>yes, we have a lot of bills right now, but God is faithful. He has always taken care of us.
>I did NOT loose my job. God prepared the way, and I kept a job. He will help me learn this new position, and perform it to the best of my ability.
>Allergies, and asthma? Things could be worse. Most importantly, the kids are doing well. We haven’t been to the dr. for them for a record length of time! I live in America where I have access to medicines to help me. Some for free!
>Yes, the kids have grown. This is a good thing. My kids are healthy, and growing!!!!!
I went to the thrift store and got an entire cart full of clothes for them for $70!
>we will adjust to gas prices. God will provide. He will take care of us.
>God took care of summer day care too. Alivia will be free, and Scott will be working at home a couple days a week so the kids can stay with him.
God provides. He will never leave me or forsake me. He will make a way.
So, like I said before………….. ♪♫♪I got a new attitude ♪♫♪
I’m going to put on a happy face, and count my blessings!!!!
Philippians 4:4-9
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Peace and love to all!
~Charmaine
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
It's raining....
It’s raining outside. How appropriate for my mood right now. Things have been really stressful lately. Of course, I’m dealing with the typical stress --- lack of sleep, too many bills, not enough money, too much laundry for any human being to keep up with, etc.
But, I’ve also got other things going on.
For example, I went in to work Monday and was told that my position is being eliminated. –That’s always fun isn’t it? I wasn’t really surprised, but I still felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. Thankfully, a fellow co-worker put her notice in so I was offered that position, which I took.
Now let me say that I fully realize that God was working for me. It’s obvious to me that He was preparing a way for me to keep a job, and most importantly my insurance coverage. I know this. However, for some reason I’m just not rebounding from this with a big smile on my face.
This is not my first time dealing with unexpected stresses. NO. Let me put it this way, if going through stressful situations was like going to college I would definitely have a masters degree by now, and be working on my doctorate.
But that is what makes my mood so strange. Usually, I handle stressful situations pretty well. While I’ve been known to have the occasional meltdown, or bout with the blues, it usually only last a day or two and I’m back on top. I’m basically a happy person. I’ve never been someone that struggles with depression.
I feel like I’m standing on the brink. I feel like it would be really easy to just let myself fall.
I’m going to be real honest....I like to be in control. There I said it! “Hi, my name is Charmaine…Hi Charmaine…..and I’m a control freak” …..clap clap clap
I hate this! I do not like not understanding my own emotions, or how to deal with them! Most of the time lately I feel like I’m completely loosing my mind!
Is this just too much built up stress that I haven’t dealt with? Is this lack of sleep? Is this hormones? Is this early menopause? –seriously, I’ve been having some major hot flashes.
I don’t know what the deal is, but I DO NOT LIKE IT.
I feel better just writing about it. Maybe that’s what I need. I don’t really have one friend that I fully trust to share my true emotions with.
So here I am publishing them on the web. OH, that’s nice. I’m more comfortable being honest with faceless strangers than people in my life. Therapy anyone?
Ok, enough for now. –yes, I realize I things are getting too real so I’m shutting down.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I will leave you with a funny, but true anecdote about an experience I had last month. It will give you a glimpse into my dementia……
It was somewhere around 6:00 am, and I was on my way to work. It was still pitch black outside, it was raining buckets, and super windy. I may have been pms-ing just a little J
I stopped at a red light, and saw the Dunkin’ Donuts sign. Hmm, it’s been foreeeever since I’ve had a donut. So I turned right and pulled in the drive thru. I was craving a donut called a long john. Do you know what that is? I’m sure you do….it is a long rectangle donut filled with white cream, and icing on top. Everybody knows what a long john is….except the lady in the Dunkin’ Donuts drive thru that morning!
So I pulled up to the speaker/ screen and started looking for a “long john”.
I heard the lady ask what I wanted so I rolled down my window. Wind blew the rain in so hard I couldn’t see. Squinting and being rained on I said
“I would like a long john, but I don’t see that on your menu. Do you have those?”
“One iced cappuccino is that all?” What? Who said anything about that?
“No, I said I would like a long john. Do you have those?”
More rain, more wind, freezing cold, wet, can’t see…..
“um, what did you say you want?”
“I’ll just pull to the window”
“NO! Don’t pull up; I’ll take your order. Just tell me what you want!”
“ Okaaaay, I said I want a LONG JOHN. Do. You. Have. Those.”
“What’s that?” Sigh…I describe it.
“Uh, no I, well, I don’t know, “
By now I am wet, cold, and wind blown…. “I’m going to pull up, and tell you.”
“No! I think I know. It has pudding in it.”
“No, it doesn’t have pudding, it has cream. You know what? I’m pulling up”
“What? What was that? Just tell me what you want.”
Ok, did I slip into the twilight zone? Am I being punked? Why doesn’t this girl want me to pull up?!!! I pull up anyway.
She opens the window. I am very obviously frustrated.
With a very pissy attitude she says “oh we have what you want.”
Ok, good. I take a deep breath, bite my tongue, and hand her the money. She hands me the bag, and says
“It’s just that that donut isn’t called a long john.”
Excuse me? If there is one thing in this world I know it is food. “Yes, it is.”
“No, it’s not. We call them…blah blah”
“Well, that’s nice, but here in --insert city – we call them long johns.”
She starts to argue, and I cut her off. Now I’m completely ticked off. I mean for the LOVE of pete! All I wanted was a freakin’ donut. So I say “and by the way, the next time a customer wants to pull up to the window…let them! In case you haven’t noticed its pouring rain, and g-force winds outside!”
“Well there’s no reason to pull up. You get just as wet up here as you do there.”
Are you serious?! All the blood ran to my head, and I lost my mind……
“Really? Look at me! My arm and face is soaked!”
I stick my arm out
“look, I don’t see any rain getting on me!”
I point up
“See that? That’s called an awning. It keeps you from getting wet! And you don’t have one back there!”
She starts to argue with me again… I put my hand up in her face, and yell
“Do not argue with me! I am the customer! The customer is ALWAYS right! It’s called customer service sweetheart!”
And I drove off.
About 30 seconds later I thought “oh my gosh, I have COMPLETELY lost my mind”
When I got to work I looked in the bag….it wasn’t even the right donut….of course!
Hope you enjoyed the chuckle. One day I’ll probably log on the net, and see that Dunkin’ Donuts has released the video clip of this incident….I’ll be famous!
But, I’ve also got other things going on.
For example, I went in to work Monday and was told that my position is being eliminated. –That’s always fun isn’t it? I wasn’t really surprised, but I still felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. Thankfully, a fellow co-worker put her notice in so I was offered that position, which I took.
Now let me say that I fully realize that God was working for me. It’s obvious to me that He was preparing a way for me to keep a job, and most importantly my insurance coverage. I know this. However, for some reason I’m just not rebounding from this with a big smile on my face.
This is not my first time dealing with unexpected stresses. NO. Let me put it this way, if going through stressful situations was like going to college I would definitely have a masters degree by now, and be working on my doctorate.
But that is what makes my mood so strange. Usually, I handle stressful situations pretty well. While I’ve been known to have the occasional meltdown, or bout with the blues, it usually only last a day or two and I’m back on top. I’m basically a happy person. I’ve never been someone that struggles with depression.
I feel like I’m standing on the brink. I feel like it would be really easy to just let myself fall.
I’m going to be real honest....I like to be in control. There I said it! “Hi, my name is Charmaine…Hi Charmaine…..and I’m a control freak” …..clap clap clap
I hate this! I do not like not understanding my own emotions, or how to deal with them! Most of the time lately I feel like I’m completely loosing my mind!
Is this just too much built up stress that I haven’t dealt with? Is this lack of sleep? Is this hormones? Is this early menopause? –seriously, I’ve been having some major hot flashes.
I don’t know what the deal is, but I DO NOT LIKE IT.
I feel better just writing about it. Maybe that’s what I need. I don’t really have one friend that I fully trust to share my true emotions with.
So here I am publishing them on the web. OH, that’s nice. I’m more comfortable being honest with faceless strangers than people in my life. Therapy anyone?
Ok, enough for now. –yes, I realize I things are getting too real so I’m shutting down.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I will leave you with a funny, but true anecdote about an experience I had last month. It will give you a glimpse into my dementia……
It was somewhere around 6:00 am, and I was on my way to work. It was still pitch black outside, it was raining buckets, and super windy. I may have been pms-ing just a little J
I stopped at a red light, and saw the Dunkin’ Donuts sign. Hmm, it’s been foreeeever since I’ve had a donut. So I turned right and pulled in the drive thru. I was craving a donut called a long john. Do you know what that is? I’m sure you do….it is a long rectangle donut filled with white cream, and icing on top. Everybody knows what a long john is….except the lady in the Dunkin’ Donuts drive thru that morning!
So I pulled up to the speaker/ screen and started looking for a “long john”.
I heard the lady ask what I wanted so I rolled down my window. Wind blew the rain in so hard I couldn’t see. Squinting and being rained on I said
“I would like a long john, but I don’t see that on your menu. Do you have those?”
“One iced cappuccino is that all?” What? Who said anything about that?
“No, I said I would like a long john. Do you have those?”
More rain, more wind, freezing cold, wet, can’t see…..
“um, what did you say you want?”
“I’ll just pull to the window”
“NO! Don’t pull up; I’ll take your order. Just tell me what you want!”
“ Okaaaay, I said I want a LONG JOHN. Do. You. Have. Those.”
“What’s that?” Sigh…I describe it.
“Uh, no I, well, I don’t know, “
By now I am wet, cold, and wind blown…. “I’m going to pull up, and tell you.”
“No! I think I know. It has pudding in it.”
“No, it doesn’t have pudding, it has cream. You know what? I’m pulling up”
“What? What was that? Just tell me what you want.”
Ok, did I slip into the twilight zone? Am I being punked? Why doesn’t this girl want me to pull up?!!! I pull up anyway.
She opens the window. I am very obviously frustrated.
With a very pissy attitude she says “oh we have what you want.”
Ok, good. I take a deep breath, bite my tongue, and hand her the money. She hands me the bag, and says
“It’s just that that donut isn’t called a long john.”
Excuse me? If there is one thing in this world I know it is food. “Yes, it is.”
“No, it’s not. We call them…blah blah”
“Well, that’s nice, but here in --insert city – we call them long johns.”
She starts to argue, and I cut her off. Now I’m completely ticked off. I mean for the LOVE of pete! All I wanted was a freakin’ donut. So I say “and by the way, the next time a customer wants to pull up to the window…let them! In case you haven’t noticed its pouring rain, and g-force winds outside!”
“Well there’s no reason to pull up. You get just as wet up here as you do there.”
Are you serious?! All the blood ran to my head, and I lost my mind……
“Really? Look at me! My arm and face is soaked!”
I stick my arm out
“look, I don’t see any rain getting on me!”
I point up
“See that? That’s called an awning. It keeps you from getting wet! And you don’t have one back there!”
She starts to argue with me again… I put my hand up in her face, and yell
“Do not argue with me! I am the customer! The customer is ALWAYS right! It’s called customer service sweetheart!”
And I drove off.
About 30 seconds later I thought “oh my gosh, I have COMPLETELY lost my mind”
When I got to work I looked in the bag….it wasn’t even the right donut….of course!
Hope you enjoyed the chuckle. One day I’ll probably log on the net, and see that Dunkin’ Donuts has released the video clip of this incident….I’ll be famous!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Mother's Day reflections, and revelations
Mother’s Day….this week was very reflective for me, and full of some small revelations.
This year I noticed that the media likes to depict mothers as super heroes with special strength. Guess what? I do not have super powers. I do possess special strength, but it mostly evolves around my ability to multi task, answer a million questions a day, and watch the same movie over and over without going brain dead.
This week I realized that I’m a very different mother now than when I became a mother 10 years ago. Therefore, I am much more relaxed with my youngest child than I was with my oldest at the same age.
This week I realized that Alivia is standing on the threshold of adolescence. My “tom boy” is evolving. Friday night we were rushing out the door, and because it was getting a bit cooler I grabbed a long sleeve shirt and told her to change. She didn’t like my choice. I asserted my authority, and said she HAD to put it on. This started an argument, and suddenly she burst into tears. What? Since when did she care what she wore? Since when did the color or style matter? And since when does she cry? She’s never been a crier.
We resolved it, but after it was over, and I had time to replay it in my mind I realized what it means….she and I are on the brink of a new phase in our relationship. I have to tread lightly to be sure I don’t overpower her, but yet steer her in the right direction.
Good grief. Am I ready for this????????? God give me strength. Super hero strength.
This week I realized what a sweet heart my Tanner boy is. Actually, I have always known this, but all the sudden he is so grown up. This week I caught a glimpse of the wonderful young man is soon to become. Our church is remodeling our fellowship hall, and my 8 year old son accompanied my husband on a “work day”. Apparently, Tanner worked so hard, and helped so much that our pastor felt the need to thank him from the pulpit.
Tanner, in his typical way, was shy, and simply smiled. Scott and I were literally busting!
This week I realized my baby is growing up. It was a really small thing, but it meant so much.
We went to Wal-mart, just Riley and I. I pushed the cart to the car with him securely holding on while we navigated the parking lot. After he helped me put everything in the car I told him to hop in while I put the cart in the corral. Immediately he grabbed the cart, and said he wanted to do that. I looked around, and since the parking lot was pretty quiet I said ok. I stood there and watched my 6 year old, my baby, pushing a cart, and all the sudden I realized that he was a big kid now. Not a baby.
I don’t know why something so silly struck me this way, but it did. Ugh. When our kids are little we can’t wait for them to be potty trained, and a little more independent. Then it happens –overnight- and your standing in a Wal-mart parking lot watching them put away a cart, and the pit in your stomach is so big all you can say is ….. Ugh.
So that was my mother’s day. Full of reflection and some small revelations.
This year I noticed that the media likes to depict mothers as super heroes with special strength. Guess what? I do not have super powers. I do possess special strength, but it mostly evolves around my ability to multi task, answer a million questions a day, and watch the same movie over and over without going brain dead.
This week I realized that I’m a very different mother now than when I became a mother 10 years ago. Therefore, I am much more relaxed with my youngest child than I was with my oldest at the same age.
This week I realized that Alivia is standing on the threshold of adolescence. My “tom boy” is evolving. Friday night we were rushing out the door, and because it was getting a bit cooler I grabbed a long sleeve shirt and told her to change. She didn’t like my choice. I asserted my authority, and said she HAD to put it on. This started an argument, and suddenly she burst into tears. What? Since when did she care what she wore? Since when did the color or style matter? And since when does she cry? She’s never been a crier.
We resolved it, but after it was over, and I had time to replay it in my mind I realized what it means….she and I are on the brink of a new phase in our relationship. I have to tread lightly to be sure I don’t overpower her, but yet steer her in the right direction.
Good grief. Am I ready for this????????? God give me strength. Super hero strength.
This week I realized what a sweet heart my Tanner boy is. Actually, I have always known this, but all the sudden he is so grown up. This week I caught a glimpse of the wonderful young man is soon to become. Our church is remodeling our fellowship hall, and my 8 year old son accompanied my husband on a “work day”. Apparently, Tanner worked so hard, and helped so much that our pastor felt the need to thank him from the pulpit.
Tanner, in his typical way, was shy, and simply smiled. Scott and I were literally busting!
This week I realized my baby is growing up. It was a really small thing, but it meant so much.
We went to Wal-mart, just Riley and I. I pushed the cart to the car with him securely holding on while we navigated the parking lot. After he helped me put everything in the car I told him to hop in while I put the cart in the corral. Immediately he grabbed the cart, and said he wanted to do that. I looked around, and since the parking lot was pretty quiet I said ok. I stood there and watched my 6 year old, my baby, pushing a cart, and all the sudden I realized that he was a big kid now. Not a baby.
I don’t know why something so silly struck me this way, but it did. Ugh. When our kids are little we can’t wait for them to be potty trained, and a little more independent. Then it happens –overnight- and your standing in a Wal-mart parking lot watching them put away a cart, and the pit in your stomach is so big all you can say is ….. Ugh.
So that was my mother’s day. Full of reflection and some small revelations.
Friday, May 9, 2008
I'm Tired
I am so tired.
I’m tired of being tired.
I’m tired of not getting enough sleep. I’m tired of alarm clocks.
I’m tired of petty people. I’m tired of men that think they’re smarter than me simply because they are male.
I’m tired of watching the rich get richer. I’m tired of working my butt off, and still never having any money. I’m tired of wearing the same 2 pairs of pants, and 3 – 4 shirts in rotation.
I’m tired of packing lunches. I’m tired of homework. I’m tired of field trips I can’t go on because I’m a working mother. I’m tired of mother’s guilt.
I’m tired of cooking. I’m tired of cleaning. I’m tired of dirty dishes. I’m tired of laundry.
I’m tired of the same 5 songs on the radio.
I’m tired of the bad news on T.V.
I’m tired of high gas prices.
I’m tired of allergies. I’m tired of asthma. I’m tired of expensive medicine. I’m tired of hospital tests, and blood work.
I’m tired of feeling old, and unattractive.
I’m just really tired of being tired.
I am exhausted.
I will continue to rely on God’s strength.
I will continue hanging on to God’s words for me.
“I shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever she does shall prosper.” Psalm 1:3
I will continue…..
I’m tired of being tired.
I’m tired of not getting enough sleep. I’m tired of alarm clocks.
I’m tired of petty people. I’m tired of men that think they’re smarter than me simply because they are male.
I’m tired of watching the rich get richer. I’m tired of working my butt off, and still never having any money. I’m tired of wearing the same 2 pairs of pants, and 3 – 4 shirts in rotation.
I’m tired of packing lunches. I’m tired of homework. I’m tired of field trips I can’t go on because I’m a working mother. I’m tired of mother’s guilt.
I’m tired of cooking. I’m tired of cleaning. I’m tired of dirty dishes. I’m tired of laundry.
I’m tired of the same 5 songs on the radio.
I’m tired of the bad news on T.V.
I’m tired of high gas prices.
I’m tired of allergies. I’m tired of asthma. I’m tired of expensive medicine. I’m tired of hospital tests, and blood work.
I’m tired of feeling old, and unattractive.
I’m just really tired of being tired.
I am exhausted.
I will continue to rely on God’s strength.
I will continue hanging on to God’s words for me.
“I shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever she does shall prosper.” Psalm 1:3
I will continue…..
Friday, May 2, 2008
What's in a name?
Let's talk about why I named this blog Moment ~by~ Moment.
Moments can change everything. Our lives, in fact, our millions of moments strung together. We all know this, but we don't have full knowledge of this until one of those moments changes everything.I've had plenty of changing moments. Some good. Some bad. Some that were literally like running smack into a brick wall that popped out of nowhere.
Fourteen years ago, at the tender age of 19, I got married. I was a single young woman, and in one moment I became a wife. Lord, I had NO IDEA what I was in for! Moments...
Ten years ago, in a moment at 10:59 p.m., I became a mother. My daughter, Sunshine was born. Two years later my son, Tenderheart, was born. Two more years later, my next son, Peanut, was born. Moments...moments...moments...
Sunshine's hands were always cold. They were always blue. Her skin was shinny, and her joints a little swollen. The dr. said we needed to keep an eye on her. Moments...
Tenderheart developed asthma, and Peanut has horrible food allergies. I had to learn how to be a nurse, and cook in a completely different way. Moments....
Then the big life changing moment came. Sunshine was 7, and her dr. called. It's NEVER good when the dr. calls. We went to his office, and he asked the nurse to take Sunshine to another room -not good- he starts talking.....Sunshine's latest bloodwork showed it's official.....she has an auto immune disease called Scleroderma. Moments...
What? What did he say? Is he speaking english? Suddenly I was floating above the room. I watched the scene unfold below me, and tried to understand the Dr. What’s going on? None of this is making sense. Then I remember my husband is with me. Where is he? Oh, there he is. He’s talking now. He’s asking a question. What’s he saying? I can’t understand him either! Why can’t I understand my husband? I look at him and realize it’s because he’s crying. He’s crying. My husband is crying. –not good- Wait a minute I hear English. Husband is asking a question. He’s saying words like – how…long….have…..the dr. answers, and I’m back in my body. Every word he says is sinking in…..”We have no way of knowing for sure. Could be early teens. I will do everything in my power to give your daughter as long a life as possible.” Moments…
That was three years ago. That was the beginning of my journey to realizing that the building blocks of life are moments...
Sunshine’s strength amazes me. I remember the night she asked me if she was going to die. She didn’t even cry. Moments…
In her 4th grade class last year they had an exercise in acceptance. The students were to anonymously write down one characteristic about themselves that their fellow students didn’t know. The teacher told me that Sunshine’s card read: I have a disease. Moments….
She always smiles. She always laughs. Last summer we went to see a world renowned specialist on her disease. Sunshine got to take her first airplane ride! That was a moment! The dr. gave us great news! She is in the limited category of her disease. He said she could stop most of her medications. Then Husband asked the dr. to step outside the room. I knew what he was doing. He was asking the big question. My heart was pounding. Pounding. I inhaled deeply, and held my breath. Sunshine and I sat silently in the room staring at each other. She was trying to absorb this new information. I was trying desperately to hear what was going on just outside the room. The door opened and I searched Husband’s face. He was smiling. I exhaled. Moments…..
The dr. answered Husband’s question like this….” Your daughter should live to be an old woman. She can have children if she chooses. And, maybe, when she’s 72 she might have a little more trouble than most getting over pneumonia.” Whoo hoo!!!!! Moments.....
Today Sunshine is a healthy happy 10 ½ year old. Tenderheart hasn’t had an asthma attack in a year, and Peanut is little (hence the name), but very feisty!
The moments continue to click by, and I continue to take them in, savor them, survive them, grow from them, and change from them, every single day.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Now. Whew! That was a lot! Let me just tell you really quickly about a moment I had last night……
The kids ate supper, and ran back outside to enjoy the weather. I was starting on the dishes when Husband came inside for a second. On his way back out the door he said “Man, did you see this floor? The kids really made a mess on the floor in here! It needs swept really bad.”
Oh, gee thanks. Add that to my list. I went back to the dishes. A few minutes later a noise behind me startled me out of deep thoughts. I turned around to see Peanut emptying the dust pan in the garbage. “What are you doing?” “I swept the floor.” “You did?! Did daddy tell you to do that?” “No.”
I have no words. I looked at him for a minute ….
then I high fived him, and said “Well, ROCK ON LITTLE MAN!” To which he responded in giggles. He gave me a quick grab the legs hug, and ran outside.
Moments…..
Those are the moments I LOOOOVE, and hope I never forget.
Much love,
W3
Moments can change everything. Our lives, in fact, our millions of moments strung together. We all know this, but we don't have full knowledge of this until one of those moments changes everything.I've had plenty of changing moments. Some good. Some bad. Some that were literally like running smack into a brick wall that popped out of nowhere.
Fourteen years ago, at the tender age of 19, I got married. I was a single young woman, and in one moment I became a wife. Lord, I had NO IDEA what I was in for! Moments...
Ten years ago, in a moment at 10:59 p.m., I became a mother. My daughter, Sunshine was born. Two years later my son, Tenderheart, was born. Two more years later, my next son, Peanut, was born. Moments...moments...moments...
Sunshine's hands were always cold. They were always blue. Her skin was shinny, and her joints a little swollen. The dr. said we needed to keep an eye on her. Moments...
Tenderheart developed asthma, and Peanut has horrible food allergies. I had to learn how to be a nurse, and cook in a completely different way. Moments....
Then the big life changing moment came. Sunshine was 7, and her dr. called. It's NEVER good when the dr. calls. We went to his office, and he asked the nurse to take Sunshine to another room -not good- he starts talking.....Sunshine's latest bloodwork showed it's official.....she has an auto immune disease called Scleroderma. Moments...
What? What did he say? Is he speaking english? Suddenly I was floating above the room. I watched the scene unfold below me, and tried to understand the Dr. What’s going on? None of this is making sense. Then I remember my husband is with me. Where is he? Oh, there he is. He’s talking now. He’s asking a question. What’s he saying? I can’t understand him either! Why can’t I understand my husband? I look at him and realize it’s because he’s crying. He’s crying. My husband is crying. –not good- Wait a minute I hear English. Husband is asking a question. He’s saying words like – how…long….have…..the dr. answers, and I’m back in my body. Every word he says is sinking in…..”We have no way of knowing for sure. Could be early teens. I will do everything in my power to give your daughter as long a life as possible.” Moments…
That was three years ago. That was the beginning of my journey to realizing that the building blocks of life are moments...
Sunshine’s strength amazes me. I remember the night she asked me if she was going to die. She didn’t even cry. Moments…
In her 4th grade class last year they had an exercise in acceptance. The students were to anonymously write down one characteristic about themselves that their fellow students didn’t know. The teacher told me that Sunshine’s card read: I have a disease. Moments….
She always smiles. She always laughs. Last summer we went to see a world renowned specialist on her disease. Sunshine got to take her first airplane ride! That was a moment! The dr. gave us great news! She is in the limited category of her disease. He said she could stop most of her medications. Then Husband asked the dr. to step outside the room. I knew what he was doing. He was asking the big question. My heart was pounding. Pounding. I inhaled deeply, and held my breath. Sunshine and I sat silently in the room staring at each other. She was trying to absorb this new information. I was trying desperately to hear what was going on just outside the room. The door opened and I searched Husband’s face. He was smiling. I exhaled. Moments…..
The dr. answered Husband’s question like this….” Your daughter should live to be an old woman. She can have children if she chooses. And, maybe, when she’s 72 she might have a little more trouble than most getting over pneumonia.” Whoo hoo!!!!! Moments.....
Today Sunshine is a healthy happy 10 ½ year old. Tenderheart hasn’t had an asthma attack in a year, and Peanut is little (hence the name), but very feisty!
The moments continue to click by, and I continue to take them in, savor them, survive them, grow from them, and change from them, every single day.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Now. Whew! That was a lot! Let me just tell you really quickly about a moment I had last night……
The kids ate supper, and ran back outside to enjoy the weather. I was starting on the dishes when Husband came inside for a second. On his way back out the door he said “Man, did you see this floor? The kids really made a mess on the floor in here! It needs swept really bad.”
Oh, gee thanks. Add that to my list. I went back to the dishes. A few minutes later a noise behind me startled me out of deep thoughts. I turned around to see Peanut emptying the dust pan in the garbage. “What are you doing?” “I swept the floor.” “You did?! Did daddy tell you to do that?” “No.”
I have no words. I looked at him for a minute ….
then I high fived him, and said “Well, ROCK ON LITTLE MAN!” To which he responded in giggles. He gave me a quick grab the legs hug, and ran outside.
Moments…..
Those are the moments I LOOOOVE, and hope I never forget.
Much love,
W3
Thursday, May 1, 2008
What's new?!
Well, here I am writing my first blog entry EVER. Isn't this cool? Ok, I was 13 there for a minute. I have to admit I never thought I would have a blog. When some people I knew a few years ago started blogging, I thought it sounded like a waste of time. Oh, what a change 10 years makes! I have always loved to write down my thoughts, in high school I was the "note" queen. Over the last few years writing has become a way I can find release. Up until now I have jotted down my thoughts on scraps here and there with the intentions of putting them all together in a notebook -someday. Finally, I realized THIS would be a good thing. So.....here I am. For the sake of annonimity I have decided to refer to myself as W3. <-- don't ask!
Now...drum roll please.....I will offically post my first entry......it will be called........
"My Tree"
My tree....my beloved tree....my faaaaavorite tree where I have taken a TON of pictures of all my babies, and of just the beautiful old tree itself for over 10 years now..... was brutally cut down this weekend! :) Seriously, I went over to my in laws, and my mother in law said to me..."W3, I have some bad news. I think the neighbor had your tree cut down yesterday." I about had a stroke right there in the kitchen. I literally ran down the lane (well ok, not literally) and sure enough they had hacked it all up like a bad horror movie!!! -Nightmare on ---- Rd.! Apparently the beautiful monument of nature had died over the winter. I stood there in the grass, and for a moment the birds stopped chirping, and the wind was still. Ok, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic -who me?
But the fact is my beautiful 'ol tree is forever gone. Living on only in my memory, and the millions of pictures I took........ :(
Memories.... from the corner of my mind....misty water colored memories of the way we were.....scattered pictures.......
Now...drum roll please.....I will offically post my first entry......it will be called........
"My Tree"
My tree....my beloved tree....my faaaaavorite tree where I have taken a TON of pictures of all my babies, and of just the beautiful old tree itself for over 10 years now..... was brutally cut down this weekend! :) Seriously, I went over to my in laws, and my mother in law said to me..."W3, I have some bad news. I think the neighbor had your tree cut down yesterday." I about had a stroke right there in the kitchen. I literally ran down the lane (well ok, not literally) and sure enough they had hacked it all up like a bad horror movie!!! -Nightmare on ---- Rd.! Apparently the beautiful monument of nature had died over the winter. I stood there in the grass, and for a moment the birds stopped chirping, and the wind was still. Ok, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic -who me?
But the fact is my beautiful 'ol tree is forever gone. Living on only in my memory, and the millions of pictures I took........ :(
Memories.... from the corner of my mind....misty water colored memories of the way we were.....scattered pictures.......
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