It's raining....

It’s raining outside. How appropriate for my mood right now. Things have been really stressful lately. Of course, I’m dealing with the typical stress --- lack of sleep, too many bills, not enough money, too much laundry for any human being to keep up with, etc.
But, I’ve also got other things going on.
For example, I went in to work Monday and was told that my position is being eliminated. –That’s always fun isn’t it? I wasn’t really surprised, but I still felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. Thankfully, a fellow co-worker put her notice in so I was offered that position, which I took.
Now let me say that I fully realize that God was working for me. It’s obvious to me that He was preparing a way for me to keep a job, and most importantly my insurance coverage. I know this. However, for some reason I’m just not rebounding from this with a big smile on my face.

This is not my first time dealing with unexpected stresses. NO. Let me put it this way, if going through stressful situations was like going to college I would definitely have a masters degree by now, and be working on my doctorate.
But that is what makes my mood so strange. Usually, I handle stressful situations pretty well. While I’ve been known to have the occasional meltdown, or bout with the blues, it usually only last a day or two and I’m back on top. I’m basically a happy person. I’ve never been someone that struggles with depression.
I feel like I’m standing on the brink. I feel like it would be really easy to just let myself fall.

I’m going to be real honest....I like to be in control. There I said it! “Hi, my name is Charmaine…Hi Charmaine…..and I’m a control freak” …..clap clap clap
I hate this! I do not like not understanding my own emotions, or how to deal with them! Most of the time lately I feel like I’m completely loosing my mind!
Is this just too much built up stress that I haven’t dealt with? Is this lack of sleep? Is this hormones? Is this early menopause? –seriously, I’ve been having some major hot flashes.
I don’t know what the deal is, but I DO NOT LIKE IT.
I feel better just writing about it. Maybe that’s what I need. I don’t really have one friend that I fully trust to share my true emotions with.
So here I am publishing them on the web. OH, that’s nice. I’m more comfortable being honest with faceless strangers than people in my life. Therapy anyone?
Ok, enough for now. –yes, I realize I things are getting too real so I’m shutting down.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I will leave you with a funny, but true anecdote about an experience I had last month. It will give you a glimpse into my dementia……

It was somewhere around 6:00 am, and I was on my way to work. It was still pitch black outside, it was raining buckets, and super windy. I may have been pms-ing just a little J
I stopped at a red light, and saw the Dunkin’ Donuts sign. Hmm, it’s been foreeeever since I’ve had a donut. So I turned right and pulled in the drive thru. I was craving a donut called a long john. Do you know what that is? I’m sure you do….it is a long rectangle donut filled with white cream, and icing on top. Everybody knows what a long john is….except the lady in the Dunkin’ Donuts drive thru that morning!

So I pulled up to the speaker/ screen and started looking for a “long john”.
I heard the lady ask what I wanted so I rolled down my window. Wind blew the rain in so hard I couldn’t see. Squinting and being rained on I said
“I would like a long john, but I don’t see that on your menu. Do you have those?”
“One iced cappuccino is that all?” What? Who said anything about that?
“No, I said I would like a long john. Do you have those?”
More rain, more wind, freezing cold, wet, can’t see…..
“um, what did you say you want?”
“I’ll just pull to the window”
“NO! Don’t pull up; I’ll take your order. Just tell me what you want!”
“ Okaaaay, I said I want a LONG JOHN. Do. You. Have. Those.”
“What’s that?” Sigh…I describe it.
“Uh, no I, well, I don’t know, “
By now I am wet, cold, and wind blown…. “I’m going to pull up, and tell you.”
“No! I think I know. It has pudding in it.”
“No, it doesn’t have pudding, it has cream. You know what? I’m pulling up”
“What? What was that? Just tell me what you want.”
Ok, did I slip into the twilight zone? Am I being punked? Why doesn’t this girl want me to pull up?!!! I pull up anyway.
She opens the window. I am very obviously frustrated.
With a very pissy attitude she says “oh we have what you want.”
Ok, good. I take a deep breath, bite my tongue, and hand her the money. She hands me the bag, and says
“It’s just that that donut isn’t called a long john.”
Excuse me? If there is one thing in this world I know it is food. “Yes, it is.”
“No, it’s not. We call them…blah blah”
“Well, that’s nice, but here in --insert city – we call them long johns.”
She starts to argue, and I cut her off. Now I’m completely ticked off. I mean for the LOVE of pete! All I wanted was a freakin’ donut. So I say “and by the way, the next time a customer wants to pull up to the window…let them! In case you haven’t noticed its pouring rain, and g-force winds outside!”
“Well there’s no reason to pull up. You get just as wet up here as you do there.”
Are you serious?! All the blood ran to my head, and I lost my mind……
“Really? Look at me! My arm and face is soaked!”
I stick my arm out
“look, I don’t see any rain getting on me!”
I point up
“See that? That’s called an awning. It keeps you from getting wet! And you don’t have one back there!”
She starts to argue with me again… I put my hand up in her face, and yell
“Do not argue with me! I am the customer! The customer is ALWAYS right! It’s called customer service sweetheart!”
And I drove off.

About 30 seconds later I thought “oh my gosh, I have COMPLETELY lost my mind”
When I got to work I looked in the bag….it wasn’t even the right donut….of course!

Hope you enjoyed the chuckle. One day I’ll probably log on the net, and see that Dunkin’ Donuts has released the video clip of this incident….I’ll be famous!